Not-so-shocking news: Memorial Bridge closes

27 Jul
No surprise to Portsmouth locals, starting today, the 88 year-old Memorial Bridge is now closed “permanently.” Or until someone is ready to fork up the $90 mil needed for repairs.
Top Photo
File Photo by Rich Beauchesne

No word on how this will affect motor vehicle traffic from Portsmouth to Maine or what this will do to the already ghostly downtown Kittery. But one can guess the Kittery local with his beard growing past his knees, will remained seated in his lawn chair enjoying his ‘smokes.’

Seacoast Online stated “The bridge will not reopen until a new replacement bridge is in place. The Memorial Bridge has already been closed to traffic since 9 a.m. Wednesday, July 27, as part of a second day of scheduled mechanical inspections.”

“God dammit, did this happen while I was napping?” Memorial Bridge dweller ‘Stanley’ said after he heard the announcement concerning his home. “Seriously, what year is it?”

According to WMUR, Transportation Commissioner George Campbell said he had hoped to keep the bridge open for several more months, but it became clear it was no longer safe to drive across the 88-year-old bridge. “Deterioration of the truss joints is particularly problematic, but the entire bridge has reached a point of deterioration that makes its permanent closure unavoidable,” Campbell said.

It seems the only shock today can be heard from Kitterians, decked out in “SAVE THE BRIDGE” paraphernalia.

“I can’t believe they actually bothered to inspect the bridge. I mean, have you seen it?” Toothless Mary Hardwell said. “We’re all lucky it stayed open this long. Just the other day my family of turtles and I were baking brownies in honor of the bridge still bein’ open.”

The connection of busy Portsmouth, NH to Maine has been a value to small businesses in Kittery for decades.

“Ayup, there’s the pizza joint, that bar we go to, the two barber shops and Hank.” Joe Dubuc said of the harm this will do to the part of Kittery that is still gripping onto the bank of the Piscataqua River.

The unanimous response of Portsmouth locals and small business owners, “Ok. Wait…can we still take pictures of it from Prescott Park and stuff?”


One Response to “Not-so-shocking news: Memorial Bridge closes”

  1. therealstevejohnson July 27, 2011 at 8:34 pm #

    Cranberry. Cran. Crannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnberry. A very, very berry indeed.

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